Tuesday, 23 October 2012

I found someone who LISTENS!!

Certain instances of humiliation, criticism, emptiness, brokenness, blame and betrayal that I had faced in an abusive marital relationship a year ago, pop up in my mind suddenly and it becomes really hard to swallow my tears as I feel the emotional wounds are still as fresh as they were a year back.
During those sudden downhearted moments, I felt I need to express my feelings to someone who listens. I only wanted to vent my feeling of been used, cheap and cheated on. I don’t need any help, suggestion, solution or the stereotype advice to ‘Move on’. I only needed someone to respond by just LISTENING with all attention and saying ‘I understand’ if they please to…. Someone who can validate my right to feel the way I do.
To pour out the heart to a patient listener is a great relief to a burdened spirit.
Most of the times, when I attempted to share something relating to the past abuse, some hastily offered solutions and expected me to stay silent until that happens and not talk about it. Some belittled/disdained my troubled heart and my agony by comparing me with others who faced much worse things than mine. Some hated my pain and criticized harshly for not forgetting it and moving on firmly by depending on God. Some just avoided any conversation which touches upon my past and I felt they hid from me (though not physically) as they moved around as if they have no knowledge of things in my life.
There is nothing wrong or right in their reactions. They just react in such a way, or atleast not the way I expected at that point of time, as they being my family,
-          they too feel hurt and helpless,
-          they mistake me that I dwell in my problems which may affect my prospects,
-          they have nothing to suggest/advise,
-          they just don’t want to talk about it,
-          they are not in a position to hear anything bitter,
-          they have their own problems & priorities,
-          they feel there is no point in talking about the same thing over and over again
-          and such other things.
No doubt they love me so much and they are the ones who desire the most to see me happy.
However genuine and understandable the reasons might be behind their reactions/responses, I was further hurt and felt lone every time I started to share something and was obstructed with harsh criticism, rejection and other solutions and found that no one is in a position to just LISTEN to me without being judgmental, without offering solutions, without scolding me for what I feel at that point of time.
I believe that God has a plan for all the brokenness. I trust in his promises. I know he provides for me and however impossible things might seem to me, he is absolutely in control! But, sometimes, I am still hit by the overwhelming grief of past happenings and I desperately needed a sympathetic ear and a soft shoulder to lean.
It is at this point, GOD led me to this verse:

Psalms 22:24 - NKJV

For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted;
Nor has He hidden His face from Him;
But when He cried to Him, HE HEARD.

Amplified Bible says:
 For he has not despised or scorned
    the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
    but has listened to his cry for help.

What a comfort I have in Jesus! He listens to me. He is available to me when I cry out in my affliction. He does not despise me for my crippled reactions to my trials and inefficient handling of my afflictions. He never hides his face to me for any reason whatsoever. He is not busy with his own priorities when I need his shoulder to cry upon. He respects my need to be listened and understood. 

My pain may seem meaningless or maybe there are other worse things I can cry for, or maybe I have better things to do instead of crying, …. But God never belittles my affliction!!
God neither sets a timetable for my recovery from the aftermaths of being in an abusive relationship and being abandoned, nor brawls out at me for not being on time or according to the set standard. He never hates me for my inefficient handling of my suffering and pain. May be I share the same things over and over again. But God’s never annoyed to hear my repeated cries.
He hears with attention and sympathizes with me. Maybe I was wronged or I was wrong in the issues I bring up to Him. He hears my cause.  
May be the whole lot of pain seems to be for silly little things even after knowing that God has a mighty plan in my Life.
But, when I cry to HIM he listens.
I found someone who listens! My God will hear me – Micah 7:7

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